


Murloc and Me

by ylrissa



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Gen, baby murlocs are cute little shits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2342189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylrissa/pseuds/ylrissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An inexperienced paladin slaughters the entirety of the Grimscale murlocs, leaving only an infant behind. Perplexed by her sudden morality, she spares its life and vows to take care of it. Brain fluff and drabbles.</p><p>Infrequently updated, like all my other shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm not a softy!

**Author's Note:**

> In which we meet our stumbling heroine and her mortal enemy.

Under usual circumstances, after slaughtering an entire colony of thieving murlocs, you'd expect someone to turn around and run for the hills, because you  _know_ there are more in the area coming for your head. This was not one of those times, as I found myself staring at the one lone survivor of my fresh massacre.

There it stood... well, cowering away from me would be a better choice of words. It appeared to be crying; it was letting out this terrible noise while mucus and other fluids trickled down from it's flaring nostrils and into it's open maw of a mouth. From a quick glance at the bodies scattered around it, this...  _thing_  appeared to be an infant of its kind. I had just killed its parents in front of it, and now I'd have to kill it too. I am  _so_  going to burn in hell for this.

As I reached for my sword (which may as well have been a piece of stone tied to a stick), my poor-quality, standard-issue adventurer armour scratched against itself to create a loud, high-pitched squeal of protest. The creature in front of me gave me one wide-eyed look before turning tail and screaming bloody murder down the shoreline. I found myself with a gloved hand on my face as the horrendous sound got fainter. With the knowledge I learned today of murlocs and their tendency to make camps less than 25 feet away from another camp, I knew I was in deep shit. Boy, it would smell pretty bad.

Wasting no more time, I picked up my feet and made a mad dash after the wailing murloc pup. I could picture my rotting cadaver being found on the shore months after my disappearance, finally being laid to rest while a tombstone reading " _Here lies Evagria Lightsworn; killed by two foot tall fish-men_." I hastened my pace shortly after the thought passed.

I finally came up behind the murloc, making one last leap of faith and crashing down on top of it. It let out a strangled yelp as I choked on a mouthful of sand. As I scrambled into a standing position, I realized my good-for-nothing, lowest quality gear managed to save my life, as the murloc came up with me, back spikes embedded into my chestplate. It flailed and flopped around wildly in a futile attempt to be freed from the tarnished chain tunic. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the slimy creature by its sides and threw it back into the sand. Placing a foot onto it to prevent any further escapes, I drew my sword once more and raised it high.

You know that look babies give you when you sneeze, snot running down their face, wide-eyed, and about to let out an ear-shattering scream? And you don't know whether to think it's cute or utterly disgusting? The blasted beast had one plastered on its face. I faltered then. Don't get me wrong; I'm no softy. My innocence ran away from me years ago. I've killed others. I am a proud hero of the Horde. But why in the name of the Sunwell is a  _murloc_  making me think twice? My sword began to feel heavy in my hand. I dropped it to my side with a loud, annoyed sigh. Lifting my foot from the thing and placing it back onto the ground, I flopped down to the sand in front of it with a large scowl on my face. It stayed frozen in its place, and I couldn't help but let out a laugh at its incorruption. It was as harmless as a dove.

Sighing once more, I slowly reached for one of my bags, careful not to spook it further. I opened it and fumbled around inside of it with my hand, feeling around for the item I had on my mind. Finally finding it, I curled my fingers around it and slowly revealed it to the world. A fish. A stinking, fishy-smelling fish. The pup gave me a weird look, but nonetheless had it's full attention trained on the chum. Slowly once more, I offered it to the murloc. The weird look returned to its face again, and I was sure it was about to get up and run away screaming.

To my surprise, it outstretched a small, webbed hand, grabbing the fish quickly and snapping its arm back to itself in a flash. I chuckled softly at the juvenile action, causing it to jump slightly. I stared at it intently as it did the same to the dead fish; it was torn between trusting a cold-blooded killer and the insatiable hunger it apparently was experiencing. Its large eyes blinked once before chomping down on the fish's head, sealing its choice. I watched as it ate the fish in savage gulps, barely pausing to take breaths. As soon as it was finished, it gave me another look, as if it expected me to hand it another.

"What am I going to eat, huh?" I asked it, cocking my head to the side. It mimicked my actions, giving me an unblinking stare.

Snorting, I found another fish and threw it at it, earning me a loud screech from the infant murloc. It shut its mouth instantly, staring down at the fish before snatching it greedily to its chomps and chowing it down. I watched as it picked the fish clean, leaving the brittle bones in a heap in the sand. It let out a burp soon after, which coaxed a giggle out of me.

I wasn't sure what to do then. I was no murloc master. As I looked at it, it's wide eyes staring back at me in curiosity, thoughts raced through my mind. I was suddenly worried for the poor thing! Was it going to die out here without it's parents? Was it even able to hunt yet? Do murlocs accept murlocs from other tribes? I bit my lip. Okay, maybe I was a  _little_  bit soft. I couldn't help it. Baby murlocs were adorable little devils.

I made up my mind then. Since I was the one who slaughtered the parents, I would be the one to care for it. To do that, I'd have to gain it's trust. I figured that since I gave it food, it must have trusted me somewhat already, so I slowly and carefully reached out a hand to it.

Bad idea. The murloc pup shot to its feet and took off like a Plaugelands bear after a level 5 forsaken who decided to explore past Tirisfal. I didn't know what to do. I was too tired to chase it again, and if I leaped onto it again, it would probably hate me even more. I picked up my bags and collected myself from the shoreline, and slowly walked away. I once had a dog that would only ever come back to you if you pretended you no longer wanted it and started walking away. I figured the same might happen if I left the murloc. I was now back in the dense forest that is Eversong Woods. I skirted around a few angry treants when I heard scuffling from behind me. Glancing back, I spotted none other than the murloc pup running at full speed towards my location.

I was in shock. It came after me! I gleefully turned around and made my way to it as non-threateningly as I possibly could. That's when I noticed the springsaber running after it. With a wail, the murloc dove between my legs and put my left calf into a deathgrip. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my sword and hacked away at the large cat. I ripped away the skin from it's muscle with a small dagger, as some lady in Fairebreeze Village was giving money to anyone who helped cut down on the population. After I had put the hide in my larger pack, I looked back down at the murloc who clung to my leg.

It was shivering as it eyed the now skinless animal. I pondered whether I should slowly and carefully release it from my leg, but it was getting pretty dark and I was never one for formal introductions. I grabbed the murloc by the sides and pried it off of my leg, pulling it to my chest and holding it there with both arms in a bear hug. Of course, it started to create terrible noises. I tried making soothing noises in a way to calm it down, but it wasn't working so good. As I began making my way back to town, numerous other attempts at calming it all resulted in failure. As the outlines of buildings came into my view, I was desperate to shut it up.

The memory of it quieting down at the sight of food sprung into my head. Releasing one arm from it, I reached around to my pack and snaked my hand into it. Finding the remaining piece of food, I snatched it out and waved it in front of the murloc's face. Like magic, it worked. It was fixated on the chunk of cheese and nothing else. I once again put my arm around it, but this time in a way so that the food would still be visible to the pup.

As I entered the town, locals gave me puzzled, shocked, and disgusted expressions. Apparently a baby murloc as a companion pet was foreign to blood elven culture. I reached the inn, and the innkeeper.

One look at the murloc and she shook her head. "Sorry, no pets," she said sharply, folding her arms.

"Listen lady, I've seen at least three hunters in here with their  _pets_  since I started lodging here," I shot back, not in the mood for this woman's sass. She made an ugly face, which was probably one of disgust because this murloc  _stunk_.

"The only way that thing is staying is if you bathe it immediately," the innkeeper muttered, waving her hand in front of her face, as if that would somehow keep the smell away from her. I shrugged my shoulders and pushed past her in a mad dash to get to my room. I was just starting to notice the vile smell emitting from the little guy. It still appeared to be oblivious to its surroundings, the cheese being the most important thing in the world at the moment.

I fumbled with the lock and kicked the door open with a light foot as soon as the key twisted the mechanisms in place. To my relief, a tub of now-cold, but still usable water, stood near the back of the tiny room. Either the innkeeper knew something like this would happen, or she was implying I desperately needed a bath. Oh well, I have no room to complain. I did just bring a filthy fish-thing into her inn.

Washing the murloc was one of the most difficult things I had ever experienced. I had to toss the cheese aside, since using only one hand to get this thing clean would have been impossible. I'm not sure why, but the murloc really did  _not_  like the water. I figured it had swam in cold water before, but it was putting up a big enough of a fight to prove otherwise. Wait... did I somehow traumatize this poor creature into fearing water? Does the life-giving liquid remind it of it's parents' mangled corpses? By the Sunwell, I am a  _terrible_  person!

After nearly an hour's worth of fighting, splashing, and screeching, the murloc was nearly sparkling. Halfway through the ordeal, it seemed to have just... given up. The poor thing shook horribly, but no longer fought to get out of my grasp. Great, now I had also broken its spirit as well. It was late, and I had a lot of travelling to do as soon as the sun broke into the sky. I used some of the pillows and blankets from my bed to create a sort of nest for the murloc. I wasn't sure how they usually slept, and I wasn't one keen on spying on the humanoids for a living, so it would have to do. I plopped the baby into the mass of different fabrics, blew out the candle, and climbed into bed.

I woke to a scene that only a tornado could possibly create. Everything in the room had been strewn all over the place. Pillows and blankets were now merely scraps of fabric, books were now unreadable, and the small chair and table in the corner of the room had horrible gnaw marks on the legs. Standing in the middle of the disaster was the culprit, wide-eyed with a tendril of mucus dangling from it's nose.

"By the Lord Reagent's third nipple, what have you done!" The murloc let out a loud yelp and hid under whatever was left of the blanket I had used as it's nest. The mound of torn fabric trembled as I slipped out of bed and stomped towards it.

"This is what I get for feeling pity! I should have slain you too, but no-" I snapped, ripping the blanket off of the terrified creature, "I have to feel bad and bring you home! Is this what I get for taking care of you? What am I going to do!" I wailed pathetically, sinking to my knees.

The murloc hadn't fled after I brought it back out into the open. Instead, it laid on the floor in the fetal position, shaking terribly while staring at me, it's eyes three times larger than they usually were. Just looking at it lessened my anger, but heightened my annoyance.

"Oh, don't give me that look!" I snapped at it again, dropping my face into my hands. "I can't pay for all this damage!" I took another look around the trashed room. I could barely afford to pay for repairs, let alone the repairs for  _this_. My eyes trailed back to the murloc. It had covered it's eyes after I had raised my voice at it again.

Snorting, I got up and attempted to tidy the room as best as I could. The chair and table were unfixable, but the torn books and blankets were easy to hide underneath the bed. I put my armour on once more, packed my bags, and stood with my hands on my hip as I stared at the murloc.

An idea sprouted in my mind. I had seen warriors who were parents safely keep their infants tied to their backs, out of harm's reach while also keeping their hands free. I looked at my largest bag, noting the large holes that already scattered across it's surface. Sighing, I dumped the contents back onto the floor and use my sword to create more holes around it. After feeling confident enough, I slowly made my way to the murloc, who eyed me suspiciously.

"Now little murloc, I have to carry you around, but I don't trust you enough to stay by my side. This will keep you safe, and you won't even have to move," I cooed, finally reaching it.

It had backed into a corner of the room, so I simply scooped it up. Of course, it started wailing, but I ignored it as I gently but quickly stuffed it into my newly modified backback. I pulled it's two feet out of the little holes I had cut for them, and pulled the tiestring firmly around it's neck, but not tight enough to cause it harm. Stepping back, I examined my work as the murloc attempted to escape, but failed.

Smiling, I attached my sword to my hip, along with my smaller pouches, and my shield to my back. Finally, I hoisted my new Murloc Bag over my shoulders, securing the little straps across my chest and stomach. Adjusting it a bit, I opened the door, locked it, and made my way hastily down the steps.

The innkeeper glanced up at me and rolled her eyes. I walked to her little counter and handed her the key to my room, watching as she hung it back up onto the wall behind her. "Can I get you anything else? You didn't order breakfast with your room, so I'm assuming you'll need food," she piped, eyeing the murloc strapped to my back.

I nodded. "What do you sell?"

I exited the inn and walked away from it as quickly as I could. I hoped that by the time the innkeeper or her servants checked on my room to clean it, I'd be far, far away. On my way to the Ghostlands, I dug around in one of my bags and pulled out a fish I purchased from the innkeeper. I now had to feed more than just myself, and frowned at the thought of having to pay more for food now.

I reached behind my back and realized I had not cut holes in the backpack for it's arms. I unsnapped the straps around my front and gently placed the bag on the floor. I slowly unclipped my sword from the spot on my belt, earning another wide-eyed look from the murloc.

Wasting no time, I swiftly cut two small holes into the bag, fishing into both to pull it's arms out. I handed it the fish (which it took greedily) until I realized it could easily drop it and I wouldn't notice. Frowning, I tried to readjust the straps a bit so I could carry it around my front, and the straps that normally went around my front would go around my back.

Finally happy with my handiwork, I did up the straps before putting it on, and slowly and clumsily slid it on over my head. When the murloc's back sat flush against my chest, I once again thanked armour as I felt it's back spikes poking into the chain link tunic.

I readjusted the bag a bit more, and set off once more. The murloc ate greedily; I suddenly realized I had not fed it last night prior to going to sleep. I mentally slapped myself, as it dawned on me the creature had destroyed my room in an attempt to find something edible to sate it's hunger.

"Sorry little guy," I mumbled, gently patting it's head. It yelped at the sudden content, but did not burst into wails, thank the Sunwell. It also dawned on me the murloc had not had anything to drink in about a day... did murlocs even drink? Maybe they absorbed water through their skin while they swam or something.

Puzzled, I reached around my smaller bags once more for a flask of water. Positive it would not be able to drink from it, I had to make a cup out of my hand and pour some into it. As I brought my hand slowly to it's face, it dropped the fish bones it was still holding and touched the water with a bony finger. I heard a  _crunch_  as my foot broke the fish bones that had been picked clean.

Seeing it was water, the murloc extended it's tongue and lapped it up. After about three handfuls, I became tired of hand-feeding it and offered it the flask. It seemed confused at first, but took it anyways. I watched from the corner of my eye as it examined the container, then shook it gently. I guess it heard the  _slooshing_  of water, and it dumped the contents into it's mouth. It suckled on it gentle, and I reminded myself to somehow mark this flask so my mouth would never come in contact with this one in particular.

To my utter shock and amazement, the murloc handed me back the flask! I had the biggest, dumbest grin on my face as I gently took it from it's tiny hand and put it back in a bag.

"Good little guy!" I praised it, lighting rubbing it's head (I grew tired of saying it, so I assume it's a male). I didn't receive any audible noises from it this time. I grinned wider. We were making progress!


	2. Okay, maybe I'm a softy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Evagria and her little pal head to the cold, sweaty armpit of Azeroth that is Northrend.

Why,  _why_  did I decide to come here, of all places?

My skin was completely dried out, my face was permanently left with an unflattering shade of red, and my hair... don't even get me started on my hair.

This  _sucked._

 _'_ Where are you?' You must be asking yourself. Let me paint you a picture. In your mind, imagine a freezing cold, dead, deserted wasteland, filled with undead hooligans and frostwyrms flying around.

If you guessed Icecrown, you are correct!

I'd been training for years, making my way around Azeroth and beyond. My skills haven't gone unnoticed, and I was given the opportunity to help the Argent Crusade fight the Scourge. I don't even know what I was expecting, but it  _definitely_ wasn't anything like this.

So here I am, face-down in snow because there are too many people and not enough beds. I've been stationed here for over seven months and I have yet to be given a cot. It's starting to look like I never will, but one can only dream. I rolled over, my face coming into contact with someone's warm armpit.

Right. I forgot to mention I share a tent with twenty three men. Dirty, sweaty men.

Recoiling in disgust, I accepted the fact I wouldn't be sleeping tonight and carefully got to my feet. I contemplated stepping on the smelly guy on my way out, as an "accident" of course, but decided bucket duty wasn't really appealing to me at the moment... not after  _last_  time.

Opening the flap, I peered outside. It was of course, darker than Arthas' heart, no surprise there. The damned place was in a constant state of darkness. The only way anyone knew what time it was was because you'd be woken up quite rudely, "bright" and early, supposedly at the crack of dawn.

Thankfully, my blood elven eyes provided a heightened sense of sight in this perpetual dark. They also provided slight illumination, in case I ever lost my face and needed to find it again.

Stepping out into the howling cold, I quickly shut the flap, lest I get chastised by the sweaty men inside. How the hell are they even sweating in a place like this!? I pondered whether I should take a stroll, but stopped myself as I remembered the last person that walked alone at, presumably, night. Let's just say, we found his head on a spear the next day. Shivering slightly, I walked around the camp, careful of any creature lurking in the shadows that would try to stake my head.

Entering the stables, I walked to the last stall. Peeking in, I found what I was looking for: Mrglina.

Yep, that's right. The damned murloc survived and I actually brought her with me (I also discovered it was female, hence the name). I guess I sort of became... attached to her. I think it's safe to assume she became attached to me as well.

While on my many adventures around, and outside of, Azeroth, I became aware of the fact that Mrglina was actually pretty handy to have around. She had a heightened sense of smell and keen eyes, so keen that she often detected things in the dark before I could.

And well, she was cute.

Not just that, she cute and  _deadly_.

You know how murlocs live in tribes? Of course you do! And you know how whenever you stumble upon one, there's always three behind you healing the one you're up against, two somewhere else throwing poisoned spears, one or two with bows, arrows, and pet crabs, and then five hitting your ankles with swords? It never dawned on me that Mrglina could have possibly been training to be one of those things when I murdered her tribe and kidnapped her... until I began noticing she would often carve makeshift spears while in her little bag and would use fish as target practice.

That got me wondering... how much did she know? She seemed pretty young, or I thought she was, but as the years went by and she hadn't grown an inch, it dawned on me that she was in fact, female, and fully grown at that... and also fully trained to kill.

I took my new-found knowledge and used it to my own advantage and helped her brush up on her skills. I even spent an entire week welding her murloc-sized spears and a little mail equipment pouch. I went so far as to venture into the shadiest of inns to purchase deadly (and expensive!) vials of poison.

She soon became my little partner in crime. She helped me kill things and did a pretty damn good job at it. Before long, our antics had spread from person to person and when I got called to Icecrown, they specifically requesting Mrglina's presence as well.

Finally, everything was coming together... and then it all went wrong just as quickly.

It was in Sholazar Basin, the tropical land southwest of Icecrown. I was hiking through thick underbrush, murloc on my back, when we were suddenly ambushed by a pack of hardknuckles. The damned apes completely trampled me flat onto the ground. Poor Mrglina was crushed underneath me. It took a while, but I managed to fight most of them off, the remaining fleeing back to whatever place they had crawled out from.

I had removed my murloc sac, and found a broken Mrglina stuck inside. She was making weird murloc noises in her pain and my heart was broken. I rushed to the nearest camp I could find, reserved her a tent, and started one of my biggest tasks to date:  _Project Murlocforge_.

We were of course, now weeks off schedule and should have arrived in Icecrown days before. I couldn't risk it; there was no way I was going to bring my unprotected, injured companion into a frozen version of hell just to please a few people. They could wait.

I spent hours upon hours measuring Mrglina as best as I could, careful to not cause any more pain. I sketched out a set of armour and as soon as I was happy, went straight to work. My idea required a lot of labour, mainly mining and smelting saronite. It wasn't hard to find, the place was filled with nodes of every size, thank the Light.

After nearly three weeks, it was done. My murloc was healed enough to travel once more, and I was ready to put her into her new equipment. I informed her as best as I could that we had to leave, and coaxed her into the plate.

She was thrilled! I fashioned it in a way that it nearly replicated my own armour. I also managed to forge her new spears with cutting-edge technology; the spearheads exploded on impact, sending shrapnel everywhere, and releasing the deadly poison hidden inside the handle.

It took a lot of careful footwork and a hell of a lot of climbing snowy mountains, but we made it to the Argent Vanguard as quickly as we could. I was relieved that they weren't as angry about our late arrival as I thought they would be. They were just happy we were okay and that we still decided to show up.

I snapped out of my thoughts as Mrglina shifted in her sleep. Her plate armour, which I had to line with fur way before we made it out of Sholazar, was deposited carefully near her sleeping form. I smiled as I noticed it appeared freshly polished and hammered. The only piece she still wore was her favourite fur cloak. The hood was pulled over her head, and the rest was wrapped around her body.

Crouching down, I gently prodded her. Her eyes opened wide as she looked up at me. She blinked, calming down, and sat up. "Would you like to go for a walk?" I asked her softly. "Mrglrlrl," she said in response. I smiled once more and helped her into her armour.

Fifteen minutes later, we walked out of the stables, hand in hand. She made a noise of protest as the air buffeted her. Bending down, I fastened her cloak into place, making sure the hood covered her sufficiently. Giving her a look that asked "are you okay?" and receiving an adorable thumbs-up, I grabbed her tiny, gloved hand once more and quietly walked away from the camp.

That was the last time anyone saw us; me and my murloc, walking away from the world, and into our retirement.


	3. Sinking into Suck'ir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Evagria and Mrglina get sent off onto a ship to go to some uncharted territory filled with seahorses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, this was an update I finished today that was nearly a year after the last, and MONTHS after I began writing it. That's why it sucks and it's mega short.

Deathwing had come in full-fledged fury, shaking me out of my short-lived retirement along with the entirety of Azeroth itself.

It was then that I was finally able to answer an age-old question: Can a girl get a break around here?

The answer? No.

I was  _furious_. Why should some crazed ex-Earth-Warder be allowed to have a planet-shattering hissy fit and get away with it so easily? Sure, he was capable of turning into a 50 foot molten monster, but the last time a possessed usurper tried to claim anything by using big words and poorly timed demolition tactics, a misunderstood teenager with a shiny new sword was given a first-person look at the true wrath of unhappy Azerothians and an even unhappier parent that had been cornered inside said sword for a while with a fuckton of other ghosts.

If I were to tell you that I was eagerly awaiting to see my name plastered on the Call to Command board in front of Grommash Hold in really bad Thalassian, I would be lying... or possibly really, reallydrunk. And seeing that I only drink when I'm given free booze, and the fact that no one had offered to buy me a few mugs of ale that day, I was not drunk.

I swear.

That being said, the moment I opened my front door and was greeted by the unimpressed faces of the Kor'kron, I immediately laughed and tried to close it on their faces. I say 'try' because orcs are incredibly strong creatures with zero tolerance towards humour and those who do not wish to 'serve their people.' I find it laughable, yet again, because last time I checked, I was not a 6 foot tall orc with green skin and tusks, therefore not of their people. The orcs, like I mentioned before, did not think it was funny. At all.

After receiving an iron-fisted punch to the gut, rapidly enough my own mood was sinking faster than my patience. Did they really just do that to me, on my porch? Clearly they forgot that their own leader legalized the act of 'unannounced bullet to the unwelcome person on your lawn' thing. I was curious to know if that act included swift cuts to the neck with a sword.

Fast-forward to a month later and I'm on an all-expense-paid trip, complete with a mercenary ship made out of what appears to be driftwood and spare parts from Orgrimmar's renovation (again full of sweaty men!), to some bullshit new expanse of coastal land, that I did not sign up for. Garrosh himself gave me the very generous choice between 'death for treason' and 'suicide mission to the large new swimming pool that I want', and since I figured they wouldn't make my hair look good when they staked my head above Orgrimmar's gates, I chose the latter.

So technically, I didn't sign up for it.

I won't lie when I say that I was expecting to be sent after Deathwing's head and not drifted halfway across the planet on a testosterone-filled rubber duck to go scout a location for Hellscream's new water park. The thought miffed me to no end and for the first time in my life, I felt inadequate. Of course, there's a difference between feeling and being, and that thought helped me to haphazardly superglue the little macaroni-sized bits of pride I had shattered, back into place.

Still being a little envious and more than a little angry, the locked door to the washroom almost made me lose my shit, in more than one way. The scream of a woman who had gotten to her wit's end filled the tiny drifting warship, followed by the choking sobs of the same woman who then realized she was most likely about to defecate in her old, dusty leather pants.

"Old Gods, I am ready to die," I sobbed. I was greeted with the coarse stares of soldiers who have almost had it as much as I did, and a soft cooing coming from my feet. I looked down through blurred eyes to find Mrglina gently tugging at my worn tabard.

The only shit I was in the mood for was the one coming increasingly more urgent in my bowels, and so I shoved the scaly creature away as I slammed my fists on the washroom door repeatedly as I sniffled like a sick puppy.

"Listen here you little sack of pubes," I yelled, enunciating each word with a slam from both fists, "If you don't remove yourself from that room immediately, you will be removing my foot from your ass after I take a shit on everything you love." After a few seconds, and right before I began round two of threatening, the door swung open.

The smell that hit me could have been coming from the toilet itself or the walking corpse that had just finished using the toilet, maybe both. But, at that moment in time, I could have had to kill a litter of kittens with my bare hands and I would not have cared as long as I was able to evacuate my guts.

"Fuckin' men," I muttered as I shuffled into the tiny, vile space and shit my heart out.

After I was done, Mrglina was timidly waiting for me on the other side of the door, clutching a tiny rag doll in her webbed hands. She was making quiet blabbering noises that were foreign to me. The only thing I could sense was that something was wrong.

I scooped the murloc up into my arms and warily paced up the hallway steps onto the deck, where a few navigators and higher ranked soldiers were speaking in hushed tones. "What's going on?" I piped in, earning glances of surprise and anger. My face must have queued them into knowing that I wasn't about to have my time wasted, and so one of the younger looking orcs feebily gave me a sideways look before speaking.

At that exact moment, a scraggly human raced past me, nearly knocking me onto my ass as he yelled, "Ooh... shiny!"

Before I could even stand up and give him a piece of my mind, a large splash sounded near his previous area, effectively soaking me. Another human (where the fuck are all these people coming from? I didn't know we stopped at Stormwind before sailing to our destination), this time a woman with dark hair, raced after the man. I sidestepped before she too could have a chance at knocking me over. I silently hoped she would slip on the wet deck and knock herself out before she let out a huge wail.

"Budd! No!"

Guess who was appointed Lead Therapist to the sobbing human girl for the duration of the trip?  _Yep._

I was listening to her recall the exact moment she realized the idiot, Budd, was making a dive into the Great Sea for at least the  _hundredth_  time this week before a grunt sounded on the door with news that everyone was expected on deck for a debriefing.

I made no haste as I picked up Mrglina from the ragged rug beside me and dashed out of the nuthouse before the woman could stop me.

After everyone was impatiently waiting for whatever news there was, and I was distanced as far away from the human lady as possible, Legionnaire Nazgrim made his way to the centre of our little huddle and looked at us all, as if to create some sort of climatic spark.

"Hear my words, brothers! We sail to a virgin island, a gift from Azeroth to the Horde! Securing this land will win us our war! The enemy has fought well, for Alliance…but they grow weary. We shall crush what remains of them and lay claim to this land. From its shores, we shall conquer Stormwind, and with it any hope the enemy clings to."

He began making his way to the cabin, a banner of the Horde in hand. "Azeroth will be reforged under a single banner!"

The red cloth flapped proudly in the wind as he tied the wooden banner to the highest part of the cabin's top.

"This banner!"

Around me, my fellow suicide-vactioners cheered and whooped, starting a "For the Horde!" chant as I uncomfortably stood in the middle like an awkward teenager stuck in the midst of a face-sucking-fest at Midsummer.

Well, they did until the damned woman began wailing again.

"Captain! Shipwreck off the starboard bow! There appear to be no survivors," she screeched as her flapping arms seemed to have outdone the banner in terms of majesty. The chants had died down and Nazgrim turned a darker shade of green as he stomped his way over to the clamorous woman.

"What is the meaning of this!?" He bellowed, gazing out to the sea with squinted eyes.

My eyes followed his until they located the remains of another Horde ship. Two orcs, a troll and a goblin waved manically as enormous tentacles ripped them off of the boat's skeletal remains one by one.

"We have a battle to win!" Nazgrim snarled as he grabbed a hold of his blade.

Not wasting any time, I raced down the stairs to my diminutive lodgings as fast as I could. I launched Mrglina onto the cot as I ripped through my chest, yanking out every piece of clothing, armour, and bag that was in it.

I realized I would not have enough time to completely equip everything I needed to, and was left with the task of shoving everything else into my enchanted backpacks while Mrglina filled my ears with panicked 'mrgls' and tugs on my pants.

The last few things that remained on the ground were my sword, my shield, and the harness I used to keep Mrglina on my person. She was now holding her own little bags in her hands as she raced around the small space in frightened circles as the boat began swaying viciously from side to side. I buckled the leather band over my plate chestpiece, glad that I had at least managed to put something on that protected my organs, before snatching the flailing humanoid off of the ground and into the restraints on my back. She bucked them up for herself as I grabbed my weapons.

As I began stumbling back up the wooden hallway with difficulty, a large torrent of water came rushing down the stairs towards me. Growling with frustration, I tried pushing past the force of the liquid with all the strength I could muster.

I managed to reach the first step and grab a hold of the splintering railing railing as the second wave hit me with an even greater impact. I struggled to make my way up the slimy stairs, slipping and falling with each step as the water continued to pour into the stairwell. Mrglina was splashing behind me, crying in fear as each blast of water made its way over us.

The next wave was larger than the rest, flinging me back down into the hallway with a rush of salty water. My eyes stung and I forced myself not to gasp in shock as my head collided with a wooden banister at the top of hall. The entire thing was under water already. The murloc on my back was desperately trying to paddle.

 _'At least you can breathe water,'_  I thought sourly as I squinted my eyes and exhaled a tiny amount.

I was swimming back towards the staircase when the world itself seemed to have exploded. I was pushed... backwards? Forwards? Up? Down? I don't even fucking know. I was pushed  _somewhere_ with great force as wood, splinters and all sorts of other shit were blasted around me through the water. That time, I wasn't as lucky. I screamed in surprise and began choking on water as I urgently tried slashing through the sea with my arms.

The last thing I remember is feeling really heavy and sinking down into complete darkness.


	4. Chained to a goblin, with no pants on.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our bumbling heroine is reunited with her little friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I sort of forgot to upload this chapter over here after putting it up onto FF.net.

I awoke to a lanky goblin man shoving a sparkling conch into my face while making grand gestures with his stubby little arms. I immediately attempted to smack him away as soon as the feeling returned back to my limbs, but was unsuccessful.

It was then I realized I was under the water. Making a face as he once again tried to insert the enchanted shell into my mouth, I shoved him as far away as I could from under the sea and made a mad dash to my left- which is harder to do than you'd think when you're wearing 70 pounds of plate armour over leather and carrying multiple bags on your body... while swimming.

To my disdain, the man returned to my vision as he pointed to a sunken ship… my sunken ship. I swam toward it as fast as my tired body could before I drowned again. Thankfully, I had stolen the shell from the goblin and took greedy breaths on my frantic journey to the annihilated boat.

A huge hole in the side of the ship was my way in. One of the upper floors was completely dry and untouched by the water. Sometimes, you just had to be thankful that science exists.

The man, of a species I have never seen before, taking care of all the other rescued soldiers filled me in on what had just happened. Basically, a giant fucking squid used our ship like a child does in the bath, and brought us down to the bottom of the sea.

With the use of magic and a lot of shamanism, they were able to keep most of the crew alive, as well as us drowned losers, until another ship full of people was able to come by and rescue us. Why they kept us unconscious in giant bubbles instead of getting us into the ship, I will never know, but I won't bother asking.

Then I remembered Mrglina. At this point, I was past feeling bad about forgetting her. It was now just a daily part of my life. She never seems to realize I keep forgetting about her existence, so I figured what she doesn't know won't kill her. It may make me a really bad person, but she doesn't think I am... I think.

I walked back to the Erunak and he gave me an annoyed look, as if he knew he would be having to deal with my shit for a while.

"Yes?" He asked, quite incredulously. If I had time to wonder how badly he wanted to kill me right now, I would, but in that moment the only thing on my mind was my little buddy.

"Uh... have you seen a murloc by any chance? About yae big, female, wearing armour and caring a spear?" I asked, using my hand as an example of her height and width. He gave me the weirdest look I have ever seen in my life, and I realized he probably thought I was insane. I  _was_  just technically drowned for a week, in my defense.

"I'm serious. She's my companion," I added in after he gave me a whole lot of stares and a whole bunch of nothing else.

The man straightened up and glanced around the room.

"I cannot say I see a murloc in here at the moment. Perhaps you should try looking outside," he sniffed, which I found to come of as rude. I rolled my eyes, wondering if I'd get in trouble for hitting him over the head with my shield.

"Have you seen her at all? I was sort of in one of your bubbles for over a week, and I'm going to take a wild assumption and guess that she's probably looking for-" I was cut off my a loud scream coming up the half-submerged ramp.

Turning around to get a look, I was met with a wonderful sight: the asshat of a goblin from earlier being chased by my spear-wielding murloc.

"Mrglina!" I shouted, trying to get her to stop before she stabbed the goblin. She halted in her steps at the sound of my voice before barreling towards me as she cried loudly.

Her tongue lolled with her momentum and she slammed into the goblin man on her way over. Her eyes may or may not have been shut. I swear, it wasn't my fault.

I picked my little murloc up into my hold and turned back around to give the skeptical Erunak a look. He actually seemed shocked that I wasn't delusional when I said I had a murloc as a pet. I wanted to stick my tongue out at him but Mrglina was putting up a huge struggle in my arms. The strange man sighed and left the room entirely, and I was kind of hoping he never came back.

After almost being clobbered in the head with the blunt side of her spear, I came to the conclusion that she was hungry. From the shrill tone of her screaming and the drool that flung everywhere as she tossed herself around in her tantrum, she was  _really_  hungry.

"Alright, alright, calm down now," I cooed, shaking her until she stopped screeching loud enough to look at me and listen. "I will get you food the second you stop making those horrid noises."

She seemed to understand, because she quieted down instantly. I guess the goblin was as thankful as I was, because he threw me a couple of fish from a nearby barrel. I handed my murloc the disgusting trout, who in turn devoured it in what I truly believe would be a world record.

"Holy shit. That's cool," the goblin murmured loudly as he watched me interact with Mrglina.

"What is?" I snorted as I gave the impatient creature the other fish.

"You have a fuckin' murloc as a pet, elfie. That's what's cool. I ain't ever seen someone manage to tame onna those things." I merely blinked at the comment. I was so used to hearing stuff like that that sometimes the words just flew over my head.

"I didn't tame it, idiot, I raised it. There's a big difference. You can't tame a humanoid," I shot back, deciding this one at least deserved a response for his stupidity. And what did he do? He laughed. He fucking laughed at me, and then laughed some more.

I was discreetly aware that he would have kept on laughing until he shit his pants unless I did something about it.

"Look, clearly you're a little special. You are a hunter, which I was able to deduce from the fact you have a giant crab skittering after your every move and you carry an obnoxiously loud rifle, which by the way, I'm assuming you only have to overcompensate for something you're lacking. Anyways, the fact that you don't know that you can't tame a humanoid has lead me to believe that you are the highest rank of stupid that exists. Congratulations." My face was flustered and I was out of breath by the time I managed to spit that out.

He grinned. The little shit grinned. I swear, I was going to take the conch I stole from him out of my pocket and shove it straight up his green-

"Lady, ya have some problems yourself but I ain't judgin'. I was merely statin' that your pet is rad," his slimy voice interupted my thoughts. I sighed loudly.

"Look, buddy, there clearly seems to be some kind of language barrier here. This murloc is not my pet. She is not 'rad'. For the mercy to the gods that put your unfortunate soul onto this planet, I am a paladin, not a huntress!" I had made sure to enunciate every single word, just to get my point across.

"Your pet is rad," he shot back, mimicking my slow speaking.

That was it. I dropped Mrglina to the ground, not caring how she landed, as I ripped my shield off of my back and my sword out of its hilt.

"Ever seen a huntress use a sword or a shield? No? Well you're about to, you ugly gremlin." I was running at him when he took his rifle into his hands and shot me in the leg. The force of the bullet was strong enough to push me back stumbling, and would likely leave a massive bruise. It hurt like fuck but I wasn't about to let him know that.

"Lady, I'm warnin' ya, if ya don't stop, I'm gonna shoot you again. This time, I'll make sure I hit ya somewhere where there ain't no plate," he called, his voice warning. His giant crustacean was snapping its claws together and skittering left and right, waiting for its signal to attack.

"Go ahead, shoot me again, I fucking dare you!" I screeched, launching into him. I hit him in the side, shield first, knocking him on the wooden floor.

He kicked me off of him, and as I rolled onto my feet my sword had managed to knick his arm. He cursed and threw a trap at me, freezing my feet to the wet ground. I stumbled awkwardly, falling foward onto my hands and nearly breaking both ankles in the process. Not as stunned as I should have been, I threw my shield at him, knocking him straight onto his ass. The reinforced wood managed to hit him in the head as it came back to me.

Disgruntled, we stared each other down, both unable to move. I tried in vain to get out of the icy grips, the cold leeching up my legs.

"May the gods have mercy on your green ass because the minute I get out of this thing I'm going to-" I once again got cut off. Erunak had returned and started screaming at us, mostly in a foreign tongue. The brunt of it was directed at me, but after I protested and pointed out that he shot me, the little fucker got some harsh words as well.

Five minutes later, I was shackled to the wall on one wrist and to the little shit on the other, with no pants on, sitting in a puddle of ice cold water. The gunshot that dented my plate managed to break skin, hence why I was wearing no pants. Erunak refused to bandage it, but wouldn't let me put my pants back on afterwards. What the fuck?

"You better hope you don't drift off to sleep anytime soon," I growled to the goblin on my immediate left. The chain we were tied together with was so short, he was practically on my lap. I frowned in disgust and shoved him further away.

Well, that was a bad fucking idea, because when he toppled over, so did I. Right onto him. To top it off, my other arm felt like it got ripped out of its socket due to the strain.

He chuckled, clearly amused by my anger. His arm was bandaged, but new blood began seeping through it after the weight of both himself and me had it against the hard floor.

Smirking in amusement, I re-positioned myself back into my previous place, stretching out my legs in front of me and leaning my head against the wall. I closed my eyes and tried to drown out the soft murmuring of the other soldiers around us.

Hot, gross breath hit my ear, followed by a weight on my shoulder, and I recoiled in disgust. My eyes shot open to give him a glare.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked hotly as he gave me an innocent look. His dumb face increased my rage.

"I was trynna take a nap, will ya chill out elfie? Sheesh," he grumbled, resting his head back to the wall with his eyes closed, like I had been just prior to him using me as a pillow.

I groaned loudly, hating my life. This was going to be one hell of a long night, and I might be charged with murder in the morning.


	5. Future cellmate of Hogger?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evagria gets even more injured, and ends up meeting someone great.

The morning light trickled through the broken boards of the ship, right into my eye, kindling the first sparks of anger that would ignite my fury for the rest day.

Half my body was numb, and my wrists were rubbed raw from the magical shackles that chained me to the stupid goblin. Seeing how both his position and his height managed to saved him from the wrath of the sun, my anger spiked.

I slid to the right, dragging the green gremlin with me. He awoke then, sleepy eyes narrowed at me in anger, but I stopped him before he was going to say something.

"Sun's in my eye, now fuck off," I growled, effectively ending the conversation that I never let begin in the first place.

I'm not sure why I thought I could even get a wink of sleep after that, but for whatever reason, I did. I was wrong without even trying. Almost a full minute after I closed my eyes again, the sounds of small, wet footsteps slapping against the grainy floorboards in a fearful run had my head snapped up straight and my eyes wide.

The fucker's crustacean was chasing my murloc.

Fuck. No.

Managing to stand up, I motioned (with great difficulty, since it's hard to do any sort of hand motion with your fucking hands tied behind your back) for Mrglina to run to me. Her little nesting sack remained on my back, so I turned to allow her to scrabble up into it. What I was not expecting was a sharp pinch to my ass.

Screaming in a mix of surprise, pain, and rage, I blindly kicked backwards. Big mistake. The motion of my chained leg ripped my other leg out from under me, sending me to a painful landing on my stomach. My nipples were surely non-existent at that point, and the stabbing pain in my sides alerted me to a few cracked -fuck, probably broken- ribs.

Mrglina's mass on my back didn't help, weighing me down further and only adding to the searing hot aching coming from my ribs. I stayed like that, hands behind my back, feet tangled in their chains, left cheek squished into the rough wood, whimpering in pain. It was around this time that the fucking idiot chained to me stopped laughing. Well, stopped to catch his breath before starting back up again, anyways.

"Wow, elfie, that was quite the fall," he murmured between peals of laughter. The sound of his crackling laughter did nothing to help ease my agony. All it did was give me the start of a killer migraine, which only added to the agonizing pain that I felt in my entire body.

The sunlight that hit me in the face just a few minutes ago should have been warning enough that my day was going to be incredibly shitty from there on out.

* * *

Erunak, the broken innkeeper, came by hours later to check on us. I hadn't moved since my fall, considering I was way too hurt to get up, especially while bounded by the stupid man's magical juju rope. The second he saw me laying there in a pool of blood, the binding disappeared. My arms fell forward onto the floor, splintering the delicate tops of my palms. At that point, I no longer gave any fucks.

"My word, what happened here?" He exclaimed, attempting to roll me over until I shrieked in pain. Well, if my left ribs weren't broken, they definitely were now. "Oh my, I'm so sorry," he tried, but I shut him up with a glare.

Moments later I was brought back to the tiny medical room that would make anyone claustrophobic. Despite his obvious healing abilities, the bastard decided I wasn't worth the mana and instead slathered my skin with a putrid salve that made me vomit all over his feet. Serves him right for putting me through more misery than was required.

When he finished, he informed me that my time down in this stupid ocean was done and that he was sending me home to Orgrimmar. I wanted to point out that my home wasn't actually Orgrimmar, but I figured it was a lost cause seeing he could barely even speak Common, let alone Orchish or Thalassian for that matter. I assumed he thought everyone lived in good ol' Org and I'd let him believe that. I wasn't here to teach geography lessons anyways.

Thrilled to be leaving this awful place, and even more thrilled to be leaving that appalling green creature, I packed up and was given a seahorse that was going to take me to Grom'Gol in Stranglethorn. From there, I could either take the zeppelin to the Undercity and then the portal home, or go back to Orgrimmar. I chose to decide my trip when I actually got there, seeing as it would be quite the ways away. No point in stressing when I had over a week of downtime to decide.

Saddled up with Mrglina on my back and enough rations to last the three of us the journey, we were off. And boy, was it horribly boring. There's not much to see underwater besides water, kelp, and the occasional sunken ship. Half the time the water was so deep that all I saw was the colour dark blue. Literally. I saw nothing but a colour for the first four hours of my trip.

Hour five, day one, was probably the worst. The salve had pretty much washed off, leaving the salty water to penetrate into my cuts and scrapes. For whatever reason, I can't heal without dismounting first, so I was pretty fucked. I was scared to get off the water creature in case it decided to just keep going without me. I'd be thoroughly fucked. I couldn't even drown myself at that point, because of the stupid spell I had on me as long as I was in this area.

That's when I remembered the bottom half of the Eastern Kingdoms was prominently Alliance territory. I painfully reached down into the saddle bags to look for the tattered map. The area that was Vashj'ir was crudely drawn in with blue wax. I looked beyond that little splodge of blue to what lay ahead of me: Elwynn Forest. Then under that, Westfall. Oh, can't forget Duskwood. All under the direct control of King Varian Wrynn and the Alliance. Essentially, I was doublefucked.

We would slowly be approaching the border of Stormwind's harbour, which was out of range of the spell I had, which meant I'd be a sitting duck. A wounded sitting duck. I may as well had painted myself vibrant yellow and fashioned a beak and hung a target on my head. I was likely going to die a very gruesome death in the mythical dungeons under Stormwind. Hey, at least then I could find out whether it was true or not that Hogger was in there too. Maybe we could even be cellmates.

Sighing, I leaned forward, choosing to ignore the hot protest of my ribs, and used the seahorse's head as my pillow. I was beginning to think that I'd steal it and make it my own, if I ever made it out of here alive.

* * *

I had no idea how long I'd been asleep for before being woken by a searing pain in my arm. Then another just below the first spot. Opening my eyes to the blinding sun, I looked down. I was now above water, only having my feet in the now red liquid. Well, fuck. I'm under attack.

It appeared that I'd been shot twice, but the bullets were still coming. I raised my bloodied arms in surrender, urging the stupid animal that did this to me forward to the dark docks. Where the fuck was I?

Oh right. Stormwind Harbour.

Well, I was pretty fucked. Right, doublefucked. The guards were screaming at me with their guns and swords raised, and I couldn't help but laugh. I was in sundried, tattered cloth clothing that was falling off of my malnourished, burned skin. Fuck, I didn't even have my own armour or weapons, since I had to keep them back on the drowned ship so I didn't weigh the seahorse down.

My Common was really bad, close to being as bad as my old pal Erunak's. I had basically only chose to learn the swearwords, but I did know a few other words. Enough to get my point across, that it. One of those being the words 'calm' and 'down'. When put together, it landed me another bullet in the arm. That was the opposite of what I was trying to say, right?

"What the fuck!?" I screamed in Orchish, clutching the searing skin. They began hauling me off of the seahorse, taking all my bags and belongings before throwing a bunch of rope over my mount and dragging it away. I wanted to cry in that moment. What's worse was that they found Mrglina, who thankfully was too scared and confused to attack them. I thrashed in the man's grip, trying to snatch my little buddy back to myself. They just held onto me tighter, squeezing my once-mending ribs back into brokenness.

Mrglina began making murloc noises before erupting in one of her ear-shattering wails. I was dropped to my knees, where I began crawling towards her to shut her up. Tackling her and covering her mouth with my hand, I sat back onto my legs and held her safety. The guards were all looking at me shocked, and now had no idea what to do. They said a few words I didn't understand before a few of them ran off to my left. I was confused, really pissed, and a little scared. What the fuck was going on?

One of them attempted to communicate with me in Orchish that was worse than my Common. I rolled my eyes. "Me no speaky Orchy," I spat in Thalassian. I spoke enough Orchish to get me through a conversation, but my true language was of course the tongue of the blood elves.

Now they were really confused, but I didn't care. I straightened up more, earning an emphasized raise of weapons, to release my hand from Mrglina's face, who thankfully shut up. She shivered, causing her sharp backspines to stab into my front. Fucking fantastic.

The group of guards who left had returned, an extra person with them. I did a double take on the person they brought back. "Holy fucking shit," I whispered loudly. "No way."

"I understand there's some confusion going on here," came the perfect Thalassian. "What brings you to Stormwind in such a manner?" Said none other than  _Valeera fucking Sanguinar._


End file.
